I will update Friday night. I PROMISE. Im sorry guise. v_v

• why fucking me…

I sat outside scared for my life waiting on Chris. I rubbed the back of my neck and flinched at the car that was rolling down the street. God.. why am I so scared. I asked myself. I looked up to see Chris’ car in the driveway. Go time. I got up and walked to Chris’ car and got in.

“You have some fucking nerve.” He started up the car and drove.. “How are you gonna SHIP our son to your moms. and not tell me?.” He asked. “Wasn’t like you where gonna help anyways.” I mumbled. “YES I WOULD HAVE.” He yelled. “what the fuck you gonna tell Wesley?” He asked. “Not a damn thing.” I said proudly. “shit I’ll tell him then.. Cause we gon’ take care of this kid.” He said gripping the wheel. “Chris you not my father.” I said staring at the road as he drove. “I do not give one fuck!” He yelled again. “Where does she live?” He asked in an angry tone. “Keep driving its outside of LA..” I said. “YOU SHIPPED HIM TO THE DAMN COUNTRY.” He yelled. “I ain’t talking to you.. you doing to damn much.” I said shaking my head. the rest of the ride to My moms house was silent.

I got out the car and knocked on my moms door. “.. Alexandra?” she said rubbing her eyes and opening the door. “Ma can… we come in?” I asked. “Yeah.. sure..” She said letting us in. “Hi Ms.Sanchez.” Chris said walking into the house. “Hey Chris.” She said with a smile. “He sleep?” I asked. “No.. I don’t know why, but he just not sleeping tonight.” She said. I sighed and walked up to his room.

“Seanieeee.” I whispered as I walked into the house. “MA-MA!” He yelled while jumping up and down. “Hey fat fat.” I said smiling before I picked him up. “Whatchu doing up.” I kissed his head. He pointed to something behind me. “What baby.” I said turning around, to see Chris leaning on the door frame watching us. “come meet your son..” I said. He walked over to us. “Hi little man.” Chris said. Sean stared at him in awe. Chris laughed a little. “He looks like me..” Chris said. “Yeah he is your son.” I smiled. “You wanna hold him?” I asked. “Yeah..” He said reaching out for him.

I held him in my arms close to my chest. He was so beautiful .. “Hi.. I’m your dad.” I said not knowing what to say. “Can we take him home?” I asked Alex. She looked up at me. “We don’t have a home..” She said. “Well to your sister’s house?” I asked. “Yeah …” She ran her hands through her curly hair and started packing.. “You may wanna pack for like a day or 3.” I said looking at Sean never wanting to let go of him. “You plan on taking him anywhere.” She asked.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “You wanna go anywhere little man?” I asked Sean. He just stared at me. “I’m surprised that he likes you.” Alex said with a chuckle. “I’m his father.. why wouldn’t he?” I asked. “Your basically a stranger to him.” She said throwing the bag over her shoulder. “Whatever..” I said walking out the door. She sighed and walked behind me.

“Ma.. We’re gonna take Sean.” She said. “uhh… you sure you can handle him?” Her mom said. “Yeah. I got this.” She said. “We…” I pitched in. She clenched her mouth, got his car seat and went to the car. “I love you mom!” She yelled as she set the car seat in the car. “Mommy’s crazy.” I said to Sean as I walked out the house. “Bye Ms.Sanchez.” I said. “bye Chris.” She said laughing. “Chris put him in the car seat.” Alex said getting in the front seat. “Okaayyy.” I said put Sean in his car seat and strapped him in. “Anything else?” I said. “Nope” She said starting up the car. I got in the passengers seat. The car was quiet as we road to Her sisters house. “So… Does Brittany and Syd know?” I asked. “Nope..” She squeezed the wheel. “I’ll tell them .. tomorrow.” She said. I nodded and looked in the back to see Sean already knocked out.

“Oh yeah. He’s a Brown alright.” I said laughing. “Yeah. He has you dimples if you look close when he smiles.” She smiled. “He shoulda been a junior..” I said. “whatever nigga.” She said pulling up to the house. “I got the bags.” I said getting out the car. “alright.” She said getting out the car too, and getting Sean out his car seat. “aw bubba. you was sleepy.” She whispered as she walked inside the house. I followed behind her lugging his bags. “Hey guys.” Janette said. “Hey.” We both whispered in unison. “Y’all brought back Lil Sean.” Jake said grinning. “Yeah.” Alex said looking down at him. “I’ma lay him down though.” She said walking up stairs. I sighed and followed her upstairs to her room.

“Just toss the bags over by the desk.” She said laying down with Sean. “Alright.” I said dropping them at the desk then going to lay down on her bed. “Today has been much.” I said to myself. “Mhm.” Alex said. I looked at her. “I’m not gonna be no dead beat dad Alex.” I said. “I know your not. that’s not in you Chris.” She said. “How would you know?” I said.

“I see through all that shit you put on, when you around your friends and at school.” She started. “I know you more than I know myself.” She whispered. “No you don’t.” I argued. “Look. You not one of those guys that wants to just hit it and quit it. YOU LOVE THE SECURITY OF LOVE.” She said in a loud ass whisper. I sat in silence. The fact that I love to fuck around with destinee… I could never settle down or be in a relationship with her. And that’s what I want. “Yeah.. So shut up and quit fronting. I’m not those kids at school.” She said. I layed my head down looking up at her. “You look so beautiful while your mothering.” I said. She laughed. “Thanks?” She questioned with a smile.

she has to be the one.. has to be.

• this love shit is gonna put eternal stress on my mind.

“Aye I’m coming home with you today.. my mom said she called your mom and told her.” Micheal said rolling up beside me. “aight then.” I said getting my bag, and walked out the school. “whats wrong nigga?” He said. “Ahhh..” I scratched my head. “I tried to get back with Alexandra.. I apologized. She didn’t take the shit I said. And cussed me out.” I said and shrugged. “She’ll come around sometime.” He said trying to convince me that she would come back to me. “nah. she’s over me. and us ever trying again.. I’ll just..” I rubbed my face then chin. “keep fucking with Destinee.” I said.

“Don’t she got a disease or some shit!?” He asked. “Nah nigga… She STD free. The fuck you think I’d be fucking with her for if she was?” I asked. “Well nigga you…” He started. I laughed at the way his voice went different. “Whatever man.” I laughed. “So whats up with you and Sydney.” I said looking at him. He smiled. “I’M GLAD YA GOT ONE YOUR SIZE!” I busted out laughing. “Aha hehehehe. NIGGA THAT SHIT AIN’T FUNNY.” He said getting angry. “Ain’t my fault you a damn midget.” I said as we walked up on my house.

“Shut the fuck up. Before this midget whoops your ass.” He said walking into the house. “MOMAAAAAAAAAA!” He yelled. “Yes Mike.” My mom said smiling. “Hey Momma J .. I missed you.” He said hugging her. “Uh .. Christopher we need to talk.” She said, her face turning serious. Damn I just got here.”What ma.” I said rubbing the side of my face. “Don’t be having these fast little girls calling my house, Okay.” She said with a angry tone. “I didn’t give no one the house number.” I said confused. “Well somebody did. Next time I get repeated calls from a little chicken headed girl. Its your ass. Believe that.” She said walking into the Kitchen. “Daaaaaamn.” Mike said. I got out my phone and Called Destinee.

“Hello?” She said. “The fuck you calling my house for?” I said walking up to my room. “I needed to reach you .. you weren’t answering your phone.” She said. “I would have called back.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do that shit no more.” I said. “well.. can you come through?” She asked. “Nah I got Mike with me.” I said sucking my teeth. “Drop that nigga at home.. I want to see you baby.” She said whining. I got irritated quick. “Nah Destinee. I can’t.” I said. “Fine. Call me tomorrow then.” She said with an attitude. “Uhuh.” I bit the inside of my lip putting my bag on my bed. “I Love you” She said. I hung up in her face. “Man I wish she was like Alex..” I said. “I would like the original better. That one was so damn clingy and shit.” Mike said. “I swear. I cannot TAKE, her and her damn attitude..” I said sucking my teeth and grabbing my basketball. “im gonna go outside and ball.” I said sighing and walking out my room.

• Make it in the hoop, shoot that shit.

I dribbled the ball between my legs and shot the ball in the hoop. “Alex..” My sisters boyfriend said coming out the house. “Yeah.” I bounced the ball a couple of times and looked at him. “what’s up?” I said. “I was told to come check on you.” He said. I shook my head and shot the ball in the hoop again. “Okay.. Lets get this talk about these air headed nigga’s over with.” He said sitting down. “rather not.” I said popping my wrist. “Well.. Listen” He tapped his foot. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the ground. “I liked Chris..” He started. I put my hand up. “He cheated on me. So get rid of the  thought of us getting back together.” I said. “Everyone makes MISTAKES.” He said eying me. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Shut the fuck up Jake.” I said getting up and clenching my teeth. “You needa handle up.” He yelled. “I’M EIGHTEEN.” I yelled back. “I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT.” He took out his phone and called someone. I stood there looking stupid. “Hey ma put the phone to Lil Sean’s ear.” He said talking to my mom. I shook my head as he put the phone to my ear. I heard him squealing and giggling. “Say something” he said. “Hey baby..” I said wiping my tears. “Momma loves you.. And I’m coming to see you this weekend.” I giggled a little at him. He squealed more. I walked away letting the tears roll down my cheeks. “Alex..?” Janette said “I gotta.. I gotta call Chris..” I said running upstairs to my room.

——-

“why you crying girl?” He said with sympathy. “Chris.. I gotta tell you something.. I just don’t know how to say it.” I said. “Just tell me.” He said. “Chris… We got a kid that’s 7 months old.” I said wiping my tears more. He laughed. “That’s funny.. Its sounds like your serious.” He said. “I am serious!” I said in a high tone. “Nah. Seriously what’s up Alex.?” He asked deny the truth. “CHRIS WE HAVE A FUCKING 7 MONTH OLD KID. HE IS AT MY MOTHERS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!” I screamed. “what the fuck!?” he paused. “HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.” He demanded.

 ”After you cheated on me.. I found out I was pregnant.. That’s why I was gone from school all those months.” I said sighing. He was silent for awhile. “What the babys name.. ” He said trying not to get mad.. “Sean Maurice Brown..” I said in a low tone. “Im going to see him.. tonight.” He said in a harsh cruel tone. “You can’t he’s probably sleep.. My mom may not let you in either..” I said. “Nah.. Im picking you up.. So get ready.” He said hanging up. I swallowed. Fuck my life….

“Alexandra!!” I heard someone scream. “What.” i said yawning. “nigga wake yo ass up. Im taking you to school.” My older sister Janette said banging on the bed. “SHIT I GET IT!” I said getting up and going to the bathroom. I heard my sisters boyfriend from their room snoring. “I cant wait till I get a place of my own.” I mumbled under my breath.

It was mostly freedom living with my sister other than my mother, but some of the shit Janette do is to damn much. My thoughts where instantly broken when i couldnt find my tooth brush and tooth paste. “Where is my Tooth brush and paste!” I yelled from the bathroom. “Oh umm.. Jake had to use it.” She yelled back. “Oh FUCK NAW!” I said walking straight to their room. “Nigga what the actual fuck was you doing with my shit?” I put my hand on my hand on my hip waiting on him to answer. “To brush my teeth. duh.” He said. “Such an airhead.” I muttered under my breath and went back to the bathroom.

“I guess Im gonna have to use my finger” I said using Janette’s tooth paste, putting it on my finger and moving into around in my mouth. I spent about 9 minutes doing all that, then I washed my face and got ready to do my make up. That took me about 20ms and FINALLY I was ready. “Yo Im ready.” I yelled. “Alright Im coming, go to the car.” She said. I did as I was told and sat on the roof of the car.

I decided to call my boyfriend Wesley. “BABY!” I said all happy when he answered the phone. “What’s up girl.” He said with a chuckle. “Nothing just about to go to school. You?” I asked wiping the dirt off my jays. “Same thing.. I was just thinking of you babe.” He said. “Oh really huh?.” I said with a smile. “Mhm. What you doing after school.” He asked. “nothing.” I said simply. “You wanna chill with me tonight?” He asked. “Yeah sure babe.” i said looking at my sister who was coming into the garage and getting in the car. “I’ll call you after school. I love you.” i said. “Love you too.” He said then hung up. I shoved my phone in my pocket and got in my sisters car. “Alright. lets go.” My sister said with a nod. I sat back and relaxed the ride to school.

 ”Heyyyy Alex.” My best friend Sydney said. “Whats upp maynnne.” I said bumping shoulders with her. “Nothing much. Finna eat this Pop tart.” she said opening the pop tart package and smacked on a piece. “You see Michael Staring at me all damn hard.” She looked at me with wide eyes. “He want da goodies” I said doing a shimmie. “Shut your short ass up.” She said chuckling. I held my hand against my chest. “Well ‘scuse me!” I said fliping my hair. I walked over to my locker laughing. “So I saw that picture you and wesley took. Y’all too cute.” Syd said smiling. “Yeah..” I said blushing and unlocking my locker. “Aye I’ll catch up to you later.” She said looking over at Mike who was leaning on a locker and motioning for her to come to him. I chuckled, put my stuff in my locker and got my books.

“Hey beautiful.” I heard someone say in my ear. I knew exactly who it was. “What Chris.” I said turning around facing him. “I just wanted to see my favorite” he said smiling down at me. “I HOPE you still remember im with Wesley.” I said smirking. “Yeah forget that nigga. He don’t even go to the same school as us.” He said rolling his eyes. “I prefer not to Forget “That Nigga” I said moving away and walking to my class.

Hopefully.. He’ll leave me alone. For the rest of my damn life. I thought to myself.. Shit man.. Why do i have to have a class with him. that happened to be THIS class. I sucked my teeth, walked into the class and sat down. I pulled out my papers for the prodject we where working on and watched everybody come into class. The bell finally rang. “OKAY CLASS.” My teacher said clapping her hands together and getting up. “Where gonna start working in partners.” The class groaned. “Can we take a break!?” One kid spoke out. “No we can’t.. So get your partners and get to work.” She said. Everyone got into partners. “Aye. Wanna be my partner?” I said nicely and sweetly. “I got a partner. Sorry” He said. I sighed. Everyone was in partners already. I looked over at Chris.. “Come on.” He said.

I took a deep breath, went to his desk and sat down. “I’ll actually work .. cause I need to get a good grade.” He said tapping his pencil on the desk. I nodded while looking at the rubric and bitting the end of my pen. I wrote down stuff that came to my mind to start us off. “So you and Wesley kid are serious with eachother huh?” Chris choked the words out his thoart. “Chris can we get through this Work and not me.” I asked pollitely. “Im just wondering..” He carried on. “remember when we use to talk.” He put his on mine while i was writing. “uh.. yeah.” i swallowed and wrote some more. “We would have been great together and you know..” He said. “Would.. Chris WOULD.” I said not making eye contact. “II—” He started. “Chris I dont got time for this. I got a paper to write. Do you want an A or not?” I said getting angry. He was silent for a minute and moved his hand back. “Yeah…” he said. “Alright. well quit talking that bullshit then.” I said writing more faster. He ran his hand over his blonde curls and wrote something.. I dont know what it was. i wasn’t interested in knowing. Just thinking about what happened between me and him pissed me off to the highest. I put my pen down.

“Tell me why you did it..?” I asked bouncing my leg up and down. “You think I didn’t like you no more? What. Chris I gave you my fucking heart and virginity. And you go start fucking with another chick?” I said in a low harsh tone. “I lost my head. I was think I was that nigga and every girl would give into me.” He said. “Bullshit.” I said. “I WAS and still am emotional and MENTALLY attached to you! Do you know how I feel. I can BARELY show and love my boyfriend.” i said pointing to my chest over and over. He looked down in shame. “Did you even think about me?” I asked. “… Yeah I did.” He said. “So you was heartless and mindless that night.” I said. “I was drunk!” He whispered but in a loud tone. “I dont give a fuck!” I said. I gritted my teeth. “then yo ass think you gonna get back with me. HELL NAW.” I said. “Dont talk to me like Im a damn kid. I GET IT.” He said. The bell rang. I stared into his eyes, got my stuff and left. Shit I needed to get that off my chest.